


I’m a Thief and I’m Here to Steal Your Heart

by ThatNerdyMonbebe



Series: Love Is a Bad Pickup Line [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, more!bad!pickup!lines!!!, the other members are mentioned... except for min...sorry min, this is a mess is what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22382965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatNerdyMonbebe/pseuds/ThatNerdyMonbebe
Summary: Flirting.To some, it comes easily. To others… not so much. Go ahead and lump Hoseok in with the former. But what’s the use in being a good flirt when the guy you like is oblivious as all hell? Unfortunately for everyone involved, that’s where a certain Cheesy Pickup Line book comes in handy.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Hoseok | Wonho
Series: Love Is a Bad Pickup Line [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1611190
Comments: 7
Kudos: 54





	I’m a Thief and I’m Here to Steal Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> The prequel literally NO ONE asked for lmao

Hoseok doesn’t think he’s a bad flirt. Oh no, quite the contrary, actually.The problem he’s currently facing is that his crush is as oblivious as they come. Which is completely unprecedented, because Changkyun is  _ literally _ known as the flirt of the group! But noooooo, every advance, every flirty comment, every  _ hey good lookin’, what’s cookin’? _ is met with the same reaction:

“Cup ramen, hyung…” 

Hoseok briefly wonders if he should stop trying his advances while he was eating… 

“Right… well, enjoy your meal!” Hoseok said before backing out of the living room and hiding away in his room until the mild shame of another Flirt Gone Wrong can return from whence it came. 

Hoseok has done everything  _ but _ confess, but he’s too much of a coward- no, that isn’t right… timid mouse… wait: timid rabbit. There we go, that’s  _ on brand _ . Point is, he knows exactly how and what he’d say to Changkyun were he given the chance to spill his brimming heart, but lacked the confidence to, you know, actually do it-  _ oh my god, I am a coward.  _

If only Changkyun were just a little more  _ receptive _ to his efforts at flirting, because that’s the problem. Changkyun. And totally not Hoseok’s obscure flirtatious advances - even though he absolutely loved that confused puppy dog pout Changkyun exposed when a line flew over his head. Okay, so maybe he needed some help.

So he went to his best friend for a little assistance!

“You are out of your mind if you think I can be of  _ any _ help. I’ve been pining after Kihyun for years now! I am  _ hardly _ qualified to give flirting advice!” Hyunwoo said through a mouthful of toaster strudel. The strawberry filling dripping from the corner of his mouth sealing the deal on him  _ really _ being his rock bottom choice for assistance. He could always ask Hyungwon… if he wanted to put up with the endless amounts of jokes and teasing that would surely come his way, that is… Yeah, absolutely not.  _ Okay, new plan! Go for a walk and get your brain together! _

And that’s where he is now! Wandering the streets of Seoul thinking about how he can get Changkyun to see all this affection he has for him… he has nothing so far. Unless something like “ _ your rose-like aroma is as entrancing as the detailing on your back” _ wasn’t aiming too high. No… he tried something similar before and all he got was a  _ “haha, dope!”  _

__ Hoseok sighs a frustrated sigh and implores himself to not scream in the middle of this street. God, he needs something to eat right now, maybe something fried. He hasn’t eaten something fried in  _ eons _ , maybe some greasy comfort food would kick his heart into a pool of romantic inspiration… or cardiac arrest; either one would work. Now! Where can he get himself a damn chicken leg! 

Turns out the convenience store five feet away from him served exactly what he was looking for! How convenient! So there he was, standing in the checkout line with a fried chicken leg in one hand and a diet cola in the other because he doesn’t hate his body, when he sees it. 

It just sat there. On the shelf. Store lights shining on it so  _ perfectly  _ that a halo of light glimmered off of it like a gift from the heavens itself. A book inscribed in gold lettering called out to him with a beautiful whisper. 

_ Cheesy Pickup Lines. _

Hoseok rearranged the contents in his hands so he could reach for the book that was calling out to him so vividly. He flipped through it the best he could with one available hand, and read line upon line of pure  _ genius _ . These lines are so dumb, so ridiculous, so cheesy… so  _ obvious! _ If Hoseok recited these bad boys to Changkyun he’ll be sure to get it! 

So Hoseok tucked that baby under his arm and strutted towards checkout, then walked out that store with confidence and cardiovascular issues on a bone! Nothing could possibly stop him now!

  
  


Okay. So maybe choosing which one to use first and then applying it to an appropriate situation was kicking him in the ass, but Hoseok knows that if he memorizes enough of these things he’ll eventually have a chance to use them. A tragic thing it is… having a backlog of pickup lines at the ready… 

But this semi-embarrassing fact is about to pay off, because the moment Hoseok steps foot in the living room he sees the most precious sight: Changkyun. Oh, yeah, and he’s playing with Yoshi and Gucci. The maknae is lying flat on the floor with the kitties curled up on his chest while he multi-tasked between giving them gentle head rubs and scrolling through his phone. Hoseok sidled up and sat on the floor next to him, making sure to give the sleeping princesses a pat, but also silently letting them know that they will  _ not _ be the stars of the show today. 

Changkyun turned his head to give a closed-mouth smile at his hyung before offering a quiet greeting to avoid stirring the girls too much. Hoseok had to rein in his urge to coo and coddle the younger for his cat-uncle antics.

“Jooheon not home?” Hoseok asked, moving to lay on his back - god, the wood floor was anything but comfortable, but it was so worth it to see Changkyun from such a soft angle.

“Nah, they just love me a little more right now, and yes, Honey  _ is _ sulking about it in his room.” Changkyun chuckled, rousing the cats from their slumber. They peered at Hoseok as if they were painting him as the culprit. Hoseok whispered out the apology they were looking for before reaching to give them a pet. Changkyun seemed to have the same idea, because their fingers entangled as they went to shower Yoshi with attention. 

Hoseok grinned like a fool for multiple reasons, but namely for this being the  _ perfect _ opportunity for a pickup line, so, without missing a single beat, Hoseok took his shot. 

“Are you a cat? Because I’m  _ feline _ a connection between us.” 

Changkyun looked him in the eyes and blinked slowly in thought.  _ This is it _ . Hoseok thought.  _ He’s gonna pick up on these feelings, it’s gonna happen-! _

“I don’t understand why I keep being called a cat,” Changkyun pouted, looking very cat-like, “I’m supposed to be a wolf.” He whined. It took everything in Hoseok’s power not to groan in agony. Maybe agony was an intense word to use, but he still wanted to scream - Changkyun’s cute face wasn’t helping either.

“No, it’s- it’s…” How on earth does explain what he meant without  _ explaining what he meant _ ? He couldn’t. Hoseok opted for a sigh instead. He retracted his hand from the tangle and put them behind his head to cushion against the floor… he felt heavier with the weight of  _ that _ fuck up sitting on top of him. “You know what? It’s true actually. The face you’re making right now is reminiscent of the cat emoji.”  _ Nice save, Hoseok. Thank you, Hoseok. _

Changkyun whined about how it  _ totally isn’t true, I mean, look at me! A daring wolf pup, fun and playful! _

Hoseok snorted, “Furry.”

“Do not pull the furry card, bunny boy.”

“Ouch.”

Hoseok is sure another opportunity will present itself… Right now he just wants to watch the twinkle in Changkyun’s eyes as he plays with cats and roasts him to hell and back.

And present itself it  _ did _ . 

At… a less than convenient time… 

Backstage before a show… 

Look. Hoseok is a simple, simple man. He sees an exposed neckline, he drools. Happens to everyone, so it was  _ very _ rude of Hyunwoo to whack him on the back of the head with a  _ pull your sexually ambiguous ass together, man. _ Big words from a guy who walked into a glass door once because he caught a glimpse of Kihyun in a wet t-shirt, but okay. 

But Changkyun was just so… yeah. Hoseok wasn’t sure if he should thank or curse the stylist that dressed him up in that white button down… unbuttoned down to his mid-chest… black slacks…  _ I need a cold shower. _

Changkyun must have felt him staring, because he gave a small smile and a wave before turning back to the sound manager to discuss how well his in-ears  _ weren’t  _ working. Hoseok chuckled before sitting down to have his makeup done. Hoseok was in a calm, relaxed state as he had his eyeshadow applied. Mind definitely  _ not _ lingering on the intricate lines of Changkyun’s neck that Hoseok has shamelessly memorized, when a stream of air was blown directly into his ear. 

Hoseok yelped out a shrill screech as he whipped his head around to locate the culprit… only to be greeted by a jovial Changkyun. Hoseok gulped as he watched Changkyun laugh at his expense, but Hoseok was too focused on the dark makeup around his eyes and shining highlight along his cheeks to scold the younger. 

Changkyun’s laughter died down as he realized his hyung wasn’t laughing along; his smiled dropped slightly, “I didn’t spook you too bad, did I? I’m sorry…” Hoseok wished Hyunwoo would walk by again and give him that whack on the head one more time.

“No!” He said a bit too urgently, resulting in the younger jumping back a bit.  _ God, if you’re real, strike me dead where I stand _ . “Sorry, I was just lost in thought…”  _ Please don’t ask what I was lost in thought about… _

Changkyun visibly relaxed and chuckled out a melody so rich Hoseok could write a song with it. “Ah. I understand. Must’ve been doing a real deepdive into that noggin of yours.” He said, finishing the sentence off with a light tap to Hoseok’s head.  _ Gather yourself, Lee Hoseok.  _

“Kinda…” Hoseok trailed off with a giggle. A fucking giggle. Hoseok’s last remaining brain cell went full  _ elementary school child who just talked to their crush _ ; and it certainly didn’t help that Changkyun cooed at him.  _ This isn’t gathering yourself, dumbass! _

“You look good.” Changkyun randomly said, and well, he should have seen it coming considering he was sitting in a makeup chair, decked out in a stage outfit to boot. Call Hoseok overly hopeful, but Changkyun looked like he was debating running a hand through Hoseok’s hair. Okay, maybe that’s an action that’s difficult to determine, he could only judge it based off how the maknae’s hand sort of hovered around his shoulder. Hoseok looked at it with a raised brow before Changkyun retracted it completely. 

“You look good too.” Hoseok said before he could frown… he really wanted to have his head pat, even if it would mean fire and fury from his hair stylist.

“Weak.”

“Weak?!” Hoseok guffawed. 

“Yeah, I’m the baby here, I require stronger compliments in order to function.” Changkyun deadpanned, but his tone was hilariously serious.  _ Oh, this was his chance. _

In a moment of pure confidence, Hoseok leaned into Changkyun’s personal bubble and looked him right in the eyes, “If looks could kill, you'd be a weapon of mass destruction.” He said in what he thought was a seductive voice. He was close enough to hear Changkyun gulp and see a blush rise beneath his makeup. 

“T-that’s more like it, the others should take a page from you.” Changkyun stammered, standing abruptly. “I’m going to run through the rap one more time with Jooheon, uh, see you on stage!” He said, bumping into everything on his way out. Hoseok crossed his arms behind his head and leaned back in his chair with a smirk. 

_ I think I got him~ _

The sound of a throat clearing grabbed his attention. Hoseok peeked an eye open to look at his makeup artist who had witnessed the entire exchange. She sighed a tired sigh. 

“Don’t look at me like that, you know very well of my struggles!”

“Just close your eyes and let me touch up your eyeliner.”

Or so he thought he got him, at least… 

Hoseok could have sworn Changkyun’s flustered state would mark a romantic shift in their dynamic - or at least make it the tiniest bit  _ less _ platonic, but the next day came and Changkyun was still throwing him into the dreaded  _ Bro Zone…  _

And not even the fun slap-on-the-ass Bro Zoning he gets from the other guys, but the  _ sup bro _ you give in passing on your way to the bathroom. Hoseok wanted to cry… good thing he was heading to the bathroom… 

_ I need to be more direct! _ Hoseok concluded as he finished up his toilet seat pity party.  _ Wow him. Dazzle him! _ Hoseok takes one confident step outside of the sacred chamber and marches into the kitchen to grab a healthy breakfast and brainstorm some dream scenarios that he could possibly implement into a real life conversation with-

“Changkyun!” Hoseok shrilled. He wasn’t expecting to see the man sitting on the counter with a breakfast burrito when he entered the kitchen, but then again, the younger man does live here too… 

Changkyun squeezed the contents of his burrito all over his lap at Hoseok’s sudden entrance, scrambled eggs, steak, and whatever unhealthy sauce that was smothered in the tortilla coated the denim of Changkyun’s jeans. The maknae pouted at his lost breakfast and the man responsible for this tragedy. 

“That’s my name… but at the cost of my burrito.” Changkyun sighed, picking the steak bits off his pants and popping them in his mouth… Hoseok had to remind himself that this is, indeed, the man he has a massive crush on. “Good morning, hyung. Whatcha up too this morning, other than scaring the stuffing out of breakfast delicacies.” His tone sounded playful, so Hoseok could breathe easy knowing he’s in the clear. 

“Just that actually.” Hoseok said, walking towards the younger with an innocent smile, “And to grab a protein shake, the usual.” He said, leaning into Changkyun’s personal space to reach the cabinet behind him that didn’t have any of his protein shake stuff in it. They were nose to nose, Hoseok could hear the other man gulp at the close proximity. “Oops, wrong cabinet.” Hoseok retreated with a smirk and opened up the right cabinet. He had to contain a giggle when he heard Changkyun mumble a  _ fuck  _ under his breath.  _ You’re doing great, Hoseok! _

“Um, I’m gonna… just… Change my pants real quick…” Changkyun stammered, not moving to get off the counter. 

Hoseok looked at the younger with a wide smile.  _ Drive it home! _

“Okay,” He shrugged, “but do you know what you’d look really good in?”

Changkyun blushed up to his ears, “What?”

“My arms.” 

Changkyun coughed up a storm trying to clear his airways of all the spit he just choked on, the young man lost his balance during the fit and nearly fell off the counter. Luckily Hoseok was there to catch him. The two stood in silence for several heartbeats looking at each other, wrapped up in each other for stability. Changkyun’s eyes were blown wide and shining, light blush highlighting him in an otherworldly glow. Changkyun looked stunning.

“See? You look absolutely beautiful in my arms.” Hoseok said, barely above a whisper. He was too busy taking in the sight before him to make full use of his voice. 

Changkyun frowned.  _ Oh… that’s not good… _ Hoseok’s smile faltered, but he could bring himself to let go. 

“Why do you keep doing this to me?” Changkyun said, sounding… sad. Now it was Hoseok’s turn to frown.

“Doing what?”

Changkyun sighed and pushed himself out of the embrace - Hoseok was already missing the contact, “This… The flirting and suggestive actions? Why?”

Hoseok’s brain bluescreeened as he struggled to gather a logical thought, unfortunately, the only thing his sexually ambiguous monkey brain could muster was, “So you knew I was flirting!?” 

Changkyun blinked a few times in silence, “Yes? Nothing about it was subtle?”

Hoseok wanted to explode. In happiness. Maybe confetti, rainbows, and candy would rain down on his empty shell. 

“How come you didn’t-!”

“It’s very rude to play with someone's heart like that.” Changkyun said, narrowing his eyes, blush still high on his cheeks.

_ Play with his- WHAT.  _

“But I like you!” Hoseok nearly shrieked. Half out of happiness, half in frustration at this tremendous miscommunication. What were they? Heterosexuals? Apparently not!?

Changkyun’s jaw dropped in slow motion at the sudden confession.

“Like, like-like me?”

Hoseok chuckled in childish glee, “Yes. Im Changkyun, I, Lee Hoseok like-like you.” 

“Oh my god…” Changkyun said in a hushed tone, then it sunk in. “OH MY GOD!” He laughed, throwing himself around Hoseok. The older man stumbled back at the sudden weight, but held tight and giggled along with him. Hoseok lifted Changkyun off the counter and spun him around the tiny kitchen. “I like-like you too.” Changkyun whispered so quietly Hoseok hardly heard him. 

He set the man back on the counter and held Changkyun’s hands in his own. “I’ve liked you for so long, I thought I was gonna go crazy.” 

“Then you should have just told me, stupid! I thought you were bro-flirting with me!” Changkyun chuckled, placing his forehead against Hoseok’s. A daring idea flashed across his mind.  _ One last pickup line to close this out. _

“Hey,” He said, gathering the rest of his courage, Changkyun rose an eyebrow in curiosity, “Can I give you something? If you don’t like it you can return it.” Changkyun hummed his consent.

Hoseok closed his eyes and placed a light peck on Changkyun’s lips. He looked up at the younger, hopeful, Changkyun looked neutral.  _ Oh… _

Changkyun was quick to smirk, “Hm, you know what?” He said, rubbing the back of Hoseok’s neck with his thumb, “I think I  _ will _ be returning it.” Hoseok didn’t have time to react before Changkyun was capturing his lips in another kiss. 

_ Oh, I can sooooo get used to this~ _

  
  


_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _

“So, in a desperate act to convey your feelings to me, you purchased this… book… to help you?” Changkyun tried very hard not to laugh as he leafed through the book in question. 

“I didn’t think I was being obvious enough!” Hoseok whined. 

“If you were a library book, I’d check you out.” Changkyun smirked, reading off the page. 

“Chang-”

“If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.”

“-kyun.”

Changkyun chuckled low and set the book back down on the bed before moving himself onto Hoseok’s lap. Hoseok gulped. 

“I’ve been wondering, do your lips taste as good as they look?” 

“You’re going to be the death of me.” Hoseok sighed, accepting the kiss Changkyun planted to his waiting lips.

Changkyun huffed out a laugh, “Let’s hope not.” He pressed a few more kisses to his face for good measure. “But please… never use this book again. It’s so…”

“Cheesy.” Hoseok supplied, quirking a smile. Changkyun hit his chest lightly.

“Embarrassingly so.”

“But you love it.”

“You got me there.”

Hoseok pushed the book to the side and pulled Changkyun closer. With this alluring man in his arms and heart, Hoseok couldn’t find himself asking for more. As dumb as the book is, he’s grateful for it for bringing him here… maybe he’ll keep it - for memories sake, of course. Who knows, maybe it’ll come in handy someday.

**Author's Note:**

> This is almost exactly like Tie Your Shoes, except our main actually knew what the fuck he was doing this time, thank heavens, am I right? 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a kudos and a comment if you feel so inclined~


End file.
